It’s crazy how much our perceptions help to shape the reality that surrounds us.

One couple’s would be date night is another persons unfortunate demise

Following on the theme of my article from yesterday, I seem to be having a bit of trouble finding my footing this ‘spoopy season, in that both my ongoing playthrough of the Silent Hill 2 Remake (SH2R) and my musings of Resident Evil, seem largely divorced from any kind of fittingly haunting atmosphere. I did take advantage of this moment of trepidation by analyzing the realities behind what helps to create the tension of horror, and there is something to be said of the metaphysical reality that surrounds the framing of how one is frightened, and even observed that in the realm of gaming, there remains an unspoken quality associated with the fingerfeeling sensations that go along with the whole shock factor of what entails the frightening.

All of this, in some long-winded round about manner, is an allusion to a minor sense of writers block of sorts. Not necessarily one involving a lack of ideas, but the lack of inspiration connected with a genuine sense of dread, as it were. Part of my posit from yesterday is that what I feel compels readers to articles involving survival horror, which is to be unseated with dread, or moved by an unsettling feeling of fear that the words evoke within them. I’m apparently just not rubbing people the right way in this regard, with some dreadfully gnarly vibes left in the wake of where success would exist if things were different, so I’m a little less then locked the fuck into the whole viscerality of terror itself, and the powers of the gruesome it has the power to conjure.

The hilarity of all of this is that I in fact, do have an article idea that was prompted by the SH2R, but due to what has been an abysmal turnout of readership following my slew of articles involving ‘spoopy season related affairs, I greatly suspect that writing the article I have in mind, about the concept that I stumbled upon in regards to my recent runthrough of Silent Hill, would be a tragic waste of an excellent idea, and I would be sending a great concept out to die. In many ways, this article idea represents the antithetical to my article “Humonculus of Hobbyism” I wrote during my fantastic streak of Silksong articles last month, as it was a concept I had been sitting on for…I think literal years maybe, never feeling I had arrived at the moment of proper exposure, due to what felt like a lack of timing, opportunity, and audience, but then it came up again organically during Silksong September, and I was struck with a profound sense of glee that the moment had finally arrived for its proper unveiling.

I will eventually write the article I refrain from even describing at the moment, let alone wanting to write about, as I would hate *to* send it out to die when not enough people were around to marvel at its concepts, or worse yet, for some random jacksaw to stumble upon this modest little humble abode of mine (Active Time Event), see the sapling for the conceptual greatness it is, and then pluck it from me in its infancy to claim the child of imagination as their own. This might sound like silly paranoia, but the number of times I’ve heard/read about good material on social media or in the online space be cribbed from others and passed off as their own is positively shameful, and my fears are that one day, I too will be a victim of plagiarism. May that day yet remain in a far flung future where I have already found a gratifyingly contented amount of success through ATE in all of its little-engine-that-could-glory.

I don’t know….maybe I will find the courage to write that article this week or in conjunction with this ‘spoopy season, but certainly not today. One of the things I’ve been guilty of in reaching my 100 day streak of posted articles is what I consider to be a wavering quality of sorts. The wordplay is not as refined, the jokes not as numerous in quantity, a deficit of visuals in relation to the subject material…the list goes on. My writing the past two weeks hasn’t been terrible mind you, but I can shift up and down in terms of quality given the time, but I continue to opt for a “meatball writing” style approach- it ain’t perfect, but it’s quick, and gets the job done. Sometimes, that’s enough, and very much needed, for one to avoid agonizing over every little detail in helping just get their creative idea out the door instead of being caught within the realm of analysis paralysis for the rest of eternity.

It would seem I’ve spent a lion’s share of my time today talking about my approach…apologies to anyone looking for more of a meat and potatoes focus on game design banter, but as much as I desire to use this space to enlighten and entertain, it still does remain a place for me to cathartically vent my thoughts in a positive manner, and some days are more rife with angst than others.

I suppose before I go, I can leave you with one notion more directly addressing my SH2R runthrough, and it’s one that I think will help continue to reinforce my ideas behind the cohesion that metaphysical glue has in holding together the structuralism of survival horror itself, but also because quite frankly, I wasn’t sure how to get a full article idea out of it by its lonesome. During my the boss fight with Pyramid Head in the apartment complexes, I found myself with an interesting frame of reference regarding the fight, due to my recent entanglements in the lands between with my quest for the platinum trophy involving Elden Ring, I’ve viewed most outlandish horrors that come in the form of “big bad wolves” as obstacles to be surmounted, not monoliths of terror from which to flee from, as Elden Ring is largely predicated on contending with boss fights that tower over the player on a regular basis. I think this recent exposure to FromSoft’s design sensibilities reframed my perspective of what Pyramid Head represents to me the player, more than what he represents to James Sunderland, the character, and that was a wild, bucking bronco for me to metaphorically chorale and ride around the arena, and less so a manifestation of self-loathing and sexual repression driven by shameful guilt made flesh with which James punishes and terrorizes himself with on behalf of the remorse he feels over what he did to his wife.

To wit; with the psychosomatics that come with having to down the likes of the oppressive wraths that most FromSoft bosses represent, Pyramid Head’s status is reduced to that of something like a playful kitten in the process. This reframing goes a long way in thus freeing up any mental landscape once dominated by a fear that was evoked by colossal challenge, which is now a newly reformatted invitation to down what wouldn’t even pass as a training wheels boss encounter in the Soulslike world I’ve been so accustomed to as of late, and that’s the real kicker. When one has the mental atmosphere of courage pervading their own mind space, there remains no room left on which to erect any infrastructure of fear that a survival horror game would effortlessly get away with, thusly ruining part of the metaphysical effectiveness that would contribute to the fingerfeeling sensations that help in giving form to how survival horror works in the first place.

Fear is the mind killer, it would seem.

~Pashford.