Having recently enjoyed exposure to the notion “embarrassment is an under explored emotion”, I pass the consideration along to you with the desire it may prompt some well needed self-reflection on the matter.

Cringe in this instance represents the cruel and the cowardly

My days of the week have grown to be characteristically repetitious in form; in some ways a true comfort, as this means stasis has been achieved, and thusly, stability maintained. With age, an appreciation for consistency has grown with ample desire to nestle within a groove to better prepare for the turmoil around any given corner, this has become the way of combating the unknown with the familiar, and it is good.

The downside to this alchemical exchange of coping with a 24 hour period is essentially existential in bent: I know where I can shave minutes, I’m aware of the shortcuts available to me, as if committing to memorizing the steps in some cosmic dance, or maybe more appropriately, in the spirit of ATE, I have practiced speedrunning my own schedule with such gusto, I’m a pro at sequence breaking my own goal posts, in knowing how to sidestep what others may overlook as essential needs in a process of progress, or in fulfilling integral parts of phases involved in “becoming”…the essence of one becomes fully realized in these moments of hyper productivity, value judgement and shot calling laying bare how relative distance from reality, and how we form each other as an interplay of self-actualization resulted.

One of the key elements I bring to the fore where writing is concerned, is a queer sense of contrast; the desire to be as super serious as possible in an examination of what would otherwise be considered a complete farce. On the flipside, there are plenty of time spent drawing attention to something whimsically absurd, but with a serious deconstruction in mind. That’s the want anyways, in my attempts at writing and posting an article every.single.day, I realized I was bound to start repeating myself slightly, suffer from exhaustion, with a prose that followed suit, and a world weariness which would inevitably begin to erode my better machinations into a wavering but keen effort of energetic intent, however diminished in its capacities. The notion of how much intentionality matters remains steadfast, and the evidence remains in examining the trajectory of all my aims, however impressively they miss their mark, the target remains absolute- thinking, thusly, creates the I am and all efforts coalesce into reason willed into being.

Ironically, in my attempts at hyping myself up with my own self-stylized writing mantra and self-affirmations, I have spent what was likely to be the majority share of my writing time not focusing on the subject at hand, whether that remained Silent Hill or otherwise. I suppose we have time yet for some pearl of wisdom to be planted within this field of golden vows, let us see what we can quickly conjure in the matter.

This acts as maybe more of a better launching point for tomorrow, though definitely a conversation to be expanded upon at some point in any case, but I do have at least the germination of a greater critique, or at least part of one, in reference to my time with the Silent Hill 2 Remake (SH2R), and though it represents a paradox of sorts, it does distill that excellent vivacious essence of “and then” writing which prompts so many a wonderful mind in this field and beyond. Though, I suppose in this case, it is more akin to an “and yet…” approach to writing, as the paradox of bookending a preference with its complete antithetical makes them both true, however antecedent to each other they may feel. To wit; the summation before the end, and a reflection on a game not yet finished.

My posit on why I think the SH2R seemed largely well received when it came out, was that as a remake, Blooper Team most certainly had a sense of what to say, and just how long to say it, in terms of keeping “the conversation” alive within the town itself. Of course, my euphemism in using the word “conversation” refers to the symbolic notion of speaking through action, and struggling to survive the psychosexual horror of self-agonizing lament in the realm if Silent Hill is the topic at hand, and what a conversation starter it represents. Their sense of pacing is keen, and it speaks volumes to their level of flirtatious intent with keeping the spark of the original game alive, while doing justice to the glow up that was essentially a tribute to one of the masters of the craft in the from of Team Silent, and celebrating the triumph that was James Sunderland’s foray into the abject hell languishing guilt may manifest as. The speed and rhythm with which games function seem to follow this common thread with unbridled enthusiasm, and in the guise of a remake, the challenge always remains of how best to nail the embodiment of such a powerful energy, in order to idyllically channel the raw fury of the original with respectful authority.

My tour through this hellscape has not yet concluded, though I feel confident in speaking to the notion Blooper Team became the reflection of the darkness they desired to capture, truly inhabiting the shadows they wished to embody.

-Pashford