Sometimes, the sweet treat we thought we had, reveals itself to contain horror beyond imagination.

This is most certainly not what mamma told me life was going to be like *clap, clap, clap, clap*

In my obsession to breakdown and analyze just about every aspect of reality, I resist airing on the side of coincidence. I’m of the mind that what we usually consider paranormal, mythological, otherworldly etc, is merely something we don’t understand. That doesn’t mean for the sake of story telling, I don’t love diving into the ridiculous and impossible, but I’m fairly careful about blending fiction with reality, for a lot of profoundly obvious reasons. I’m constantly amazed at people’s inability to adhere to reason in the face of the everyday, to act rationally, to concern themselves with the empirical, etc….At least, I was amazed at this a long time ago, now a days I sort of mostly expect it, based on a lifetime of confronting disappointment. I of course, attempt to put myself in other people’s shoes where I can, I’ve always said empathy is the greatest wisdom, but goodwill has its limitations, I find, no matter how cruel a reality that may be to accept.

I guess this ties into me playing the Silent Hill 2 Remake, because the game, or at least the game it is remaking, was unique in being a rare title where the “I” was the “villains force” we had to confront, in most cases, anyways. Sometimes that took the form of a character dealing with guilt, other times it involved someone dealing with the trauma from the fallout of an experience they survived, so facing the repressed demons from within was vital in overcoming the darkness that haunts them. This was incredibly uncommon for games to deal with, in terms of acknowledging such adult subject material back in the day. I would argue the industry hasn’t changed that much, but it’s grown enough where I can most certainly think of many examples of titles dealing with adult subject matter in a myriad of ways, so we’ve made some progress in how we’ve grown as an industry, and I’m sure in no small part, Silent Hill helped pave the way for these titans of contemporary bravado.

I can’t help but bring up Resident Evil when I talk about Silent Hill, just because I do find them to be two peas in a pod. I know they’re very different, which is why I enjoy the contrast of the two, because they do deal with their approach extremely differently. In the example of dealing with serious subject matter, Resident Evil just kind of doesn’t…it is a rather stupid game in that regard. I mean stupid in a surface level, shallow kind of way. Certainly not the thinking man’s survival horror, anyways, and that’s okay, you got to play to your strengths, and Resident Evil works best when it’s an over the top action fest of sorts. At least, that is what it became more and more of, though even in it’s quieter moments, the series was never one for much self-reflection or the cerebral.

Some of this may be the reason why I’m having a little more trouble with discussing SH2R, truth be told, for that reason, and a few others. On one level, I do think it would be difficult to discuss some of the subject material within the game, cause it’s exceedingly dark…legitimately horrific in terms of what causes the PTSD for some of the characters, so on some level, I just don’t even know if it would be appropriate for me to dive into it. There have been times where I haven’t minded throwing out some psychoanalysis when breaking down concepts and player psychology, but that’s due to have an effective guinea pig with which to pull data from: I.E. me, so understanding that interplay works on a familiar level. Breaking down the psychological trauma of some of what SH2R is throwing down would not only be too serious to speak about casually, but beyond my depth, too, as it involves levels of therapeutic endeavor I simply don’t have training in.

One of the reasons I do enjoy discussing conceptual banter more than anything else in gaming, is it’s a different approach. Hashing out a play by play is never usually that enticing, so speaking about the infrastructure of what’s shaking is far more interesting, in my eyes. Though, with the SH2R, on some level, I almost feel like I might have to switch modes entirely, and start meeting its macabre with manic farce, as the game is just so super serious and gruesome, the only way to combat it is by dictating just how hilariously absurd the experience is, like just watching as James puts his hand into some random but horrifically violated hole for the nteenth time and thinking WHY MUST YOU PUT YOUR HAND IN THERE, JAMES?!

I can’t help but feel I have a way of repeating myself, both big and small, and it’s so bizarre that it happens so often. I remember last Spooptober, I played through the Resident Evil 3 Remake, and got an excellent little week of articles out of it. I figured I could essentially replicate the process, which is what led me to starting the game Siren, in the endeavors of recreating a similar feat. This was a foolish assumption, as Siren ended up being far too obtuse (mechanically speaking) of a game to plow through in a short amount of time, not having played the title before, vs having beaten RE3 a number of times, which may have contributed. This year is similar in some regards, but this time, instead of trying to replicate a solid week of writeups with a single game, I decided to follow up a solid month of articles based on one individual title (Silksong). I hate to drag my own work, but I think my insights on Silksong turned out far more gloriously so then my examination on Silent Hill, sadly.

I don’t know, maybe my head is not in the right place, which is affecting the output as of late. I’ve detailed randomly throughout the month, if I’m not directly suffering from some mild form of depression, I am most definitely affected by mild symptoms indicative of a depressive state, and quite frankly, I’m not sure what the hell the difference would be between the two. I don’t know, there might be some truth in the matter that I need some kind of “longer break” in between game deconstructions, to give myself some time to recharge. It very well could be the byproduct of low energy brought on by sour mood, and maybe still as enjoyable as the SH2R has been, I just have far less to proclamate upon than I did with Silksong, but that hasn’t stopped me from digging ever so slightly deeper to see if there is yet a deposit of brilliance yet to be mined.

Even as I continue to write this post, a thousand words later and I’m realizing there isn’t too salient a point I’ve touched on, though I keep attempting to do so, like trying to squeeze blood out of a rock. I suppose there is something to be said about how I refrain from concocting conspiracy theories, or avoid dabbling in the completely absurd, when positing what the hell is going on when it is beyond our understanding of reality. The SH2R, being as wildly symbolic in and approach, and totally bizarre in its inspirations, drawing from both the works of David Lynch, and being influenced by the film Jacob’s Ladder, leave the subject material in this absurdist state of beyond explanation on some level, or so perfectly cryptic, giving form or function to the surrealist nightmare it represents almost seems a disservice to its abstract terror incarnate.

Hmm…I’m nearing my completion of this game, and I feel as if there is a truth staring me in the face about the experience, that is dangling like a sword of Damocles right above my head.

Here’s hoping the blade drops soon.

-Pashford