(The tl;dr companion video to the article):

The problem with being in a self-sabotaging head space is that there are no innocent bystanders involved.


The call is coming from inside the house….

Overall, I’d say that this last week turned out to be fairly enjoyable, which is a far cry from my more regularly cynical citations of needing to search for the silver lining of some bog standard bullshit I had to wade through once again. Not sure if any of what felt like a more positive vibe emanating throughout my days had anything to do with the excess of cosines that Pokémon Pokopia so effortlessly exuded, but it probably didn’t hurt any to be engaging within the pretense of such warm fuzzies on the regs. That last sentiment, about the warmth of play, works as segue for some relevant thoughts in conjunction with this weeks Words of Wisdom, for a number of pertinent reasons. As much as I’ve always recognized the insane delusions behind the notion that things like “metal music causes suicide”, “D&D promotes satanic cultism”, or “video games cause violence”, all claims of which are all obviously outright madness, there is still truth in the notion that media does have an effect on mental states, which is why things like comfort shows exist, and things like guilty pleasures are relevant, or why our heartstrings get pulled when we watch certain scenes…the list goes on.

These are great moments that help to remind us of our human element, and to evoke a sense of emotionality from us, in ways maybe our everyday fails to, or gives us some room for understanding ourselves better in processing such feelings, or perhaps just feel more comfort and emotional safety expressing ourselves behind close doors. In a lot of ways, media provides a real comfort to many who need some extra externalized way to connect with the world, when the actual IRL world is just a little too overwhelming too bear, which translates to what can be an overall great coping mechanism…as long as it’s not the *only* thing one does with their free time.

I feel like these elements of media, at least especially in terms of where gaming is concerned, are overlooked or dismissed, due to what ends up being a narrative that conflicts with a broader cultural view of what people think gaming is, and or the erroneous assumptions of who gamers are. These kinds of things are unavoidable, as certain societal perceptions get crystalized to the point of just being taken for granted as “the truth”, when the information is all based on stereotype, rumor, here say, exaggeration…just a toxic blend of some of the worst offenders that make up the sad game of telephone that is public discourse within any cultural sphere. One can’t really control stuff like that, and I advocate for you to do your best to not internalize such notions, either, as what someone believes to be true and what is actual fact are often times two totally separate realities.

As I’ve always said: consider the source. If someone lobs some aggressive vitriol at you, and what was said ended up being along the lines of you being called “a hedonistic, barnyard animal”, and you turn around to see who said it, and it turns out it was a wild pig with a mouth full of slop, that somehow gained the magical ability to speak your language, then you can just brush the insult off as projection, and free yourself of the anxiety of concern involving any incorporation of said insults into your self-identity. After all, only you can define who you are, and as long as you’re approaching said assessment with a healthy dose of self-awareness in mind, then you will always understand yourself better than anyone else, so own it, and find a way to be proud of it.

I guess, to that point, today’s Words Of Wisdom is more or less about internalization, as much as it is about self-identity, as we can always define who we are, and we should remind ourselves that such a privilege is solely ours to bear, not anyone else’s. While it is true that you may be viewed a certain way, ultimately you have to ask yourself: am I happy with the way I am? Does their opinion matter at all? What can I do to become more of the me I want to be? After that, it’s all about the effort and work you put into how you define yourself that matters, and no amount of dissenting opinion can ever truly alter that.

Which is why staying away from negative internalization is key in maintaining a good head space, as if you’re surrounding yourself with people who don’t respect you, or you currently have a bad relationship (not necessarily romantic) that is negatively reinforcing things about you that aren’t true, or are in a shitty social situation that is enforcing this notion of who you *need* to be, I urge you to find a way to protect your own self worth, with personal practices and mental methodologies that will maintain your sense of personal identity, and avoid toxically absorbing the opinion of negative others. Some of you might be thinking: “But because of X,Y, or Z, I can’t do anything about it.” My immediate push back is: you don’t think you can do anything about it, and or, you just might not be able to *easily* change your station, but it is always possible to put in the work to improve your situation, even if this only involves a perspective shift, or a redefining of values, which are two of the most powerful abilities any single person has in empowering themselves.

I don’t usually get super personal on Words of Wisdom, but in this moment, I feel as if it is worth saying I didn’t come from a financially stable background, had a bad home environment, as well as feeling completely dejected at school, and rejected the religion I grew up with…just to name some of the biggest toxic atmospheres in my life…which was basically everywhere I existed, when you really break all that down. Ultimately, I had to find and create that peace of mind for myself, to escape internalizing all of the negativity, disrespect, and unfortunate levels of psychological abuse, in order to have a chance at…surviving, honestly, and living long enough to become the person I wanted to become.

As ridiculous as it sounds, when I was quite young, and or at essentially my “weakest” and “least resourceful”, in terms of being able to work more practically on improving my mental state or doing something physically practical about my lot in life, I at least found a comfortable dimension to exist within through video games, which helped build a sense of worth, even if in small ways. This also gave me a nice place to have some breathing room, and help practice the notion of who I wanted to become in the future, while helping me avoid negative internalization involving the torment others thoughtlessly or aggressively hoisted upon me. In this way, confidence built over time, I had a better sense of who I was, eventually felt empowered, and when the time came to make an actual change in my everyday, I was able to do so. In that way, the video games I played positively influenced me to become a better person, increase my sense of self, and ended up acting as both life boat and escape pod out of a miserable situation.

In summation: media, like video games, can positively influence people in a number of ways, the mass majority and your average schmuck usually gets it wrong and are thoughtless while they do it, you deserve a peace of mind, and you can give that to yourself by avoiding internalizing pointless negativity, cause way more is possible than you think, all it takes is some time, patience, thought, and an earnest effort to make a better future for yourself.

As always, take care of yourself, and others.

~Pashford