People always talk about “the good old days”, but the truth of the matter is: “the good old days” fucking sucked, though it was the hardships that did make us.


Forget about chocolate and peanut butter: the uphill climb and the rolling boulder are low key the GOAT combination

We talk a lot on Words of Wisdom about things most people usually associate with negativity: suffering, brokenness, identity crisis, pain, hardship…you know, all of the best stuff life has to offer. They aren’t the best because they are necessarily fun, enjoyable, easy, or sexy, it is actually because they are none of those things, but that’s why they are your best tools for self-improvement. I’m of the mind that pain is inevitable and shouldn’t be avoided, and struggle is what makes real the meaning of life, and vicariously, helps to remind you of what living is all about.

If all of this sounds crazy, it’s probably because your priorities are out of whack, you don’t realize what you actually want out of life, you’ve put little thought into yourself or existence, and you think lack is something to be avoided. I get it: thinking is hard, being afraid is uncomfortable, uncertainty paralyzes us with fear, and being scared of failing makes us want to never try in the first place, to avoid the discomfort that goes along with it. The irony of all of this is; anyone who is doing any or all of these things most of the time, is probably preventing themselves from growing as people, failing to live a worthwhile life, and totally in the dark about some of the more worthy, valuable, and virtuous ways of living, and that’s a damn shame….they, and you, deserve better.

I’ve been there, though. I might be there right now in some ways, as when I write Words of Wisdom, I usually think back to an older version of myself, or look within at the current moment, and think to myself: what meaningful lack do I have, and what meaningless want do I possess? Where have I taken the path of least resistance recently, and how did that sabotage self-growth? Where have I mistaken laziness for boredom? What kind of hedonism is consuming me currently? What difficult conversations am I procrastinating having with myself?

Any of these questions are great starting points, and I think where a lot of people go wrong, is they don’t pick it apart, one by one, make a to do list, and tackle them one at a time, and the worst thing someone can ever do involving any of those pitfalls, is to lie to themselves about which ones they’re truly guilty of at any given time. When you never perform maintenance on yourself, by the time your body forces you to do so, and it will, you’re going to be dealing with a totaled vehicle. This will take a massive amount of time and resource to fix up, and it’s better to deal with it sooner than later.

The number of times I’ve treated a problem like an undesirable pile of unfolded laundry on a chair is too many to count. The embarrassing thing is, the mere sight of it is usually more of an irksome trigger, or frustrating reminder of how lazy I’ve been, cause when I finally get around to it, hours, days, or maybe even weeks later in my worst moments, I face palm after I get it all done in like fifteen minutes. Going through weeks of discomforting self-sabotage instead of committing to fifteen minutes of work…it’s these moments you realize how important keeping a tab on your self is, and why personal growth is so important.

I’m usually a fan of reverse engineering the issue, so in trying to discover who you are, it usually takes realizing who you aren’t that ends up giving you the clue of what is bothering you. There are plenty of times your eye might be caught by an individual who may have accomplished something, or carries themselves well, or intrigues your own personal taste, and you might feel envy for a second. In spite of the common wisdom on the matter, envy can actually be a positive force, at least in small doses where moderation is concerned (as everything should be in life), as it clues you in to what your “lack” is, and what you should chase in order to lack less. Not *not* lacking anything is definitely not the goal, as I’ve said, we need some form of lack to go along with our pain, discomfort, or a present sense of suffering to use to our advantage to find a way to hone ourselves into who we want to be, and something like envy clues you into that lack that might be the thing you need to drive you to a better you.

So, like always, the first best question to start your quest involving the prompt of Words of Wisdom for the day is simply “Why?” Ask yourself: what do you lack? What bothers you the most that you don’t have? If you sit down and are really honest with yourself, you’ll be able to come up with the thing you lack, that has a relevancy in what might be the next phase in your own life; a lack that can become a force for positive growth, and ultimately a goal you can set for yourself in helping to quell on particular lack. Motivation can be hard to summon out of the blue, especially if you’re way off your game, and getting something you want, in this instance, the negation of a lack, will be a much easier task if you really want the thing, cause then you’ll be totally gung ho about it.

Once you’ve earnestly answered the question: make up a game plan. A big part of Words of Wisdom is always having an actionable follow up, cause if all you have our wants and desires, sitting around and thinking about them all the time, fantasizing about what could happen…but then never taking the steps to do them, that’s not personal growth, that’s just day dreaming, and it might be a good place to (briefly start), but it’s the best place to quickly move away from and capitalize upon in a meaningful way.

Remember: your lack is ironically your biggest asset, as what you don’t have will launch you towards your goal. Keeping in mind, that a big part of this journey, is being comfortable with the lack, and finding a new lack, in the off chance you ever do end up getting what you want, as the lack will always be the key in keeping you moving forward. In fact, the best take away from this thought experiment, and if there is only one thing you remember me saying after all this, make it be this…never lose a meaningful lack.

As always, take care of yourself, and others.

~Pashford