To be or not to be…that is the question, and with it, the rest of horrifying existence follows.

Be the motherfucker you wish to see in the world

My delightful yet arduous journey through Expedition 33 (E33) spurs on, as both the limitations of the real and the hyperreal test my resolve, and with it, the very boundaries of metaphysical existence itself…

While not a guaranteed or immutable rule, the regular fact remains that I often see popular gameplay trends dictate how RPGs evolve, taking on the traits of other genres, in the name of self-refinement, E33 co-opting some well needed standards from heavier, stylized action titles, ala Sekiro, with its maniacal pertinence of parry and dodge dichotomy influencing the realm surrounding it. Borrowing from other genres, and creating a hybridized sense of genre blending works in the reverse, too, so that even games that would be considered plain Jane bro-fests, with nothing much at all in the way of nerdiness to speak of, like an online military shooter for example, realizes the value inherent that comes with imbuing elements of your game with unabashed nerdy proclivities, like attaching visible numerical values to objects and actions, which ends up adding well needed depth of standard to any title, thick headed in premise or otherwise.

The fact of this matter remains bizarre to me…how in my mind, and a notion adopted from regular societal standard I suppose, that numbers would be referenced as inherently “nerdy”, when in fact, they are just elements comprising a language of no bias or prejudiced, that is used succinctly to explain the universe. I guess it is ultimately, nerdy to know or understand, which means if comprehending information is involved, you can count all the knuckle-draggers totally out of any possible scenario involving awareness levels, which is going to truly limit one’s own options. Even still, it is possible to approach a singular activity in a variety of ways, and I think any great game worth its metaweight in bytes and polygons, E33 being a prime example. is going to allow both a keen intellect, as well as a complete dullard to find similar worth in the engagement, no matter their experience level or presentness of mind.

Tis’ all spectrums, you see.

To take just another extra moment, to continue completely shitting all over the idea of average human competency levels, and to my last point about how it is possible to commit to a singular activity in a number of ways, I have recently posited the notion that one can legitimately get through an entire day, without ever having truly used their brain, as hard as that is to fathom. I know what some of you are thinking, that as long as a person was still mostly alive and or drawing from conscious thought, they of course would still be “using their brain”, so to speak, rendering my posit as an irrelevancy. Like most things I say on Active Time Event, I am rarely ever being dogmatically literal, as waxing philosophical usually begets a vagueness of sorts, as language is often times, extraordinarily “fuzzy with context”, much like reality often is too, as is the case with the subjective everyday.

To wit; when I mean “using their brain”, I mean, making a conscious effort to flex their thinking prowess, genuinely applying it to a real cognitive standard, and utilizing said brain as an active participant in the moment to moment. If one considers that people regularly use their legs to walk, while they are engaging their leg muscles, and supporting that weight with those appendages, it is a byproduct of their existence, and the individual in question is not in fact, working hard one iotas worth of merit in the matter of movement, effortlessly avoiding genuinely working the bottom half of their body with any meaningful intent, or putting forth real effort in authentically exerting force in any legitimately taxing way in utilizing said legs. The individual in question is any garden variety person randomly pulled from a crowd, any old Jill Everywoman, one who in a random act of movement, is operating within the pretense of autopiloting themselves with a streamlined but thoughtless automation of sorts, and the legs just working more on muscle memory and passivity than anything else. So yes, with that kind of “use” in mind, in reference to how one can get through an entire day without consciously “using their legs to walk”, one can easily imagine how one can go through a similar 24 hour period without “using their brain” in the same regard; this is much closer to the truth of the matter than some of you likely hadn’t more closely considered.

The reason I bring this up, aside from the notion that dunking on the human race remains a perverse enjoyment for me, is due to the fact that in spite of my best efforts to generally carry my self by a thoughtful standard, I too, fall prey to this autopiloting folly from time to time, which is something I offer up as a fairness in the presented example, and as a reinforcement as to how I know these kinds of things do happen, and that I’ve known some truly sad creatures in my day, that maintain vacant stares and dead eyes in any matter, never truly seeming alive, and doomed to an eternity of autopiloting thence after. Those are rarer creatures of devastated tragedy of course, but the point remains that autopiloting is a sick, sad, mad malady that begets even the best of men.

For example, while I was playing Expedition 33 (E33) the other day, it was not long after awaking from a deep slumber, that I thrust myself right back into the game, to practice my parries and dodges once more. This was the moment I realized I was frozen in a sorry state of autopilot without realizing it, while I coasted through the battles of E33 without thought. I was indeed, attempting to bypass my turns, by just skipping everyone in the parties attack sequence, so that I could routinely have the enemy engage, in the name of practicing the sweet spot to nail the parry, but the thoughtless and detached sense of self was still inexcusable, as in a more literal way than just consciously skipping my turns, I was on another level, subconsciously skipping the skipping of my turns, having awoken from slumber, but not truly having woken up in actuality; a terrifying thought of unruly intent, but the reality that permeated thusly.

I want to say it was on the third failed parry I became aware of my wayward state and status as innocent bystander in my own life, looking on in horror, somehow, from outside my own experience, watching the sadness that was a man who was beside himself. It was by the 4th failed parry I think, that I began wincing with fear, struggling with the question of “why is this happening?”, that I realized I was truly not “within the realm”, so to speak, my consciousness taking a back seat to the events at play, possibly still due to waking up from my recent slumber, a groginess of sorts overcoming my better sense of judgement, but most certainly not fully accountable to my own actions; a third party to my own existence. It was at this point, that I did a shake out of my own head, took a deep breath, and started to refocus my “eyes on the prize”, and became presently minded, finally taking hold of the metaphysical steering wheel, and thusly started nailing parries left and right. Obviously, I felt a sense of relief, in realizing that I thankfully hadn’t fallen whim to some kind of permanent subnormal brain activity, but that I was in fact just “autopiloting” myself through the moments, doing myself a disservice by not truly “being there”, as if maybe in some accursed state of affront to Cartesian Skepticism itself, I stopped thinking, and therefore, was not.

What was suppose to be an interesting aside, has now dominated the page, and successfully commandeered the entire articles premise, but there is worth in this yet. For while I do enjoy throwing shade at humanity, it is never without merit, and in fact, not without a frame of reference, in having myself committed to the folly, and then realizing the error of my ways. This self-awareness saves me from repeated embarrassment, but others are not so lucky. However, I implore anyone reading this to not shy away from understanding that we all make mistakes: it is just important to recognize themselves as such, and instead of apologizing about them, create the changed behavior that helps one avoid the need for apology all together.

Remember: one cannot fix a problem, if one does not acknowledge a problem exists in the first place, and the first step to self-actualization, is the mindfulness that empowers one enough to realize they have that power to improve, and thusly, becoming evermore present in mind in making it so.

–Pashford