Andy Warhol was reportedly quoted as declaring the following: “Isn’t life a series of images that change as they repeat themselves?”


Look no further than Simpsons shitposting for an example of the cursed standard repetition lay bare, as the recursive nature of history repeating itself sees the very fabric of social connection begin to deteriorate, as memes start to inevitably collapse in on themselves with the weight of their own historical references…

Carrying forth with such a damning condemnation of words of warning, as a cautionary tale of where reruns can go wrong, we now look forward…or, err, slightly backwards? as we return to a place that in some ways, Bond never left, as he never went there in the first place….I’m getting ahead of myself, timey-wimey bullshit and all that. Let’s restart and try this again.

*Ahem*….From the glimmering surface of sunbathed waters, to the frigid, isolated destitution of the Siberian Plateau, we jump from the warm invitational standards of that “fucking ship” to our return trip to Severnaya, as our replay of GoldenEye 64 continues to unravel, one chaotic mission at a time.

This is the Pt.2 of the Severynaya duology, which in and of itself, is a duology, so it’s a squared duology. lots of doubling up, but with tight budgets and quick turn arounds, one has to cut corners somewhere to make a finished product on time, in order to “go gold” for the gaming public at large.

As a quick reminder, where I’ve been referencing the movie where I can, even though I made the point about the ultimate irrelevancy of doing so, in order to create the gold standard of methodolgy for excellence in adaptations, once again, the movie will do us no good here, for even to find the loose framework of a justification for the almost entirely off-script portion of the Frigate, I had to rewind the film about forty minutes, from our stint in Statue Park, all the way back, post “Onatopping”, a sly way to loosely describe how much Xenia likes crushing men’s heads in between thighs like sparrows eggs, as she so often does. Want to cause grief? Go full Zangief! never fails to strike terror into the hearts of men in any other such fashion.

So yes, for those keeping tally, this would be the 2nd time James Bond didn’t travel to Severnaya, just like the first time he also didn’t travel there. I’ve injected a needless reference to split timeline theory, cause Back to the Future freaks and Zelda weirdos are all about that shit, which is why GoldenEye the movie is timeline A, and GoldenEye 64 (on Agent) is timeline B, hence the reference to the “non-event that didn’t happen”, as in the movie, Severnaya is destroyed, with only Boris and Natalya surviving, and a location which Bond never travels to. This is unlike the game, where Bond goes to Severnaya twice, and in Timeline B (Agent Difficulty), we don’t even see the god damn thing blow up, but fuck it, we’ll do it live. It’s a video game after all, and a lot like Whose Line Is It Anyways?, the points don’t matter and the rules are made up, so hang the logic and continuity of it and just have fun, So, what are we waiting for? Let’s travel with Bond to not blow up Severnaya, just like he didn’t do in timeline A, which does remain true in both timelines…though even though Bond doesn’t do it, it does hella blow up in the movie, thanks to Ourumov and Onatopp’s communist scoundreling.

As an aside, I wanted to give props to what is definitely a lost art of sorts, in the form of premission briefs, which still exist today, mind you, but not in as a succinct manner, as in GoldenEye 64, you get a few screens of text explaining what the sitz is, and then you get sent on your merry. I know they did this because of hardware limitations at the time, and didn’t have the time, money, or processing power to render cutscenes, do mocap, and hire voice actors, just to name a few impossibilities, in having grand openings to every level, but the mission briefs still exist, and they do a good job of letting the player know how we got from A t B, and what needs to get done.

Not only does it fill in some background details that do tie into the mission structure and some backstory, but they have slight nods of pitfalls you can avoid, if you read between the lines. Plus, as an added benefit of having enjoyed the film, you tend to notice that not only did they get the writing right M, Q, and Moneypenny, as in their affectations and style of banter correct, but there are some non-lame quips in there, so it’s honestly really well done. This is totally aside that since the actors all deliver such bang on performances, I can’t help but read the text in their voices, but that’s neither here nor there, I suppose.

I think one of the reasons I bring this up, is that developers, even with the modern day standards of what they must adhere to and accomplish, should think about offering a “low-tech” alternative to their mission structuring or campaign pacing, as a lot of people do just like to play single player, but have absolutely no shits to give about story and characterization. A lot of bloat and a time waste, which I know (on some level) demeans the hardwork the team puts in to all of the bells and whistles of the overall experience, but gamers are a fickle lot, while simultaneously being simple folk, and the more options you provide, the greater the opportunity you have to attract a larger crowd…casting a wide net and all that.

I think I’ll save speaking any more truth to that fine little reality, as we will be suffering some slight repeats for the next two missions, though there is obviously some remixing, in the name of saving face, and not making the player do and see the exact same thing. To that point, Bond drops down on SURFACE, the cleverly named and totally creative naming scheme worthy of a myriad of writing awards, you’ll notice they dropped Bond in during the night this time, obviously to create a nice contrast with the last time you were here, but also to set a darker mood, as the stakes are higher, and things seem as if they won’t be so easy this time around.

To that point, I guess MI6 is suffering from budget cuts of sorts, where as last time you got a sniper rifle to take advantage of the open terrain if you so desired, they totally stiff you on the extra weaponry this time around, armed only with a silenced PP7. Which, might have been enough, if you’ve been a cheerleader for my celebration of the stealth on offer in GoldenEye, except it would seem that someone may have tipped off the enemy that Bond was here, or they’re still hyper pissed off that some padlocks and unlocked doors weren’t the best strategy in rigorous security measures to keep international secret agents out of top secret areas per our last visit. Due to this, your stealth is vastly more limited this time around, as you may have a chance to catch a guard or two off…guard, but random men with plenty of bullets are already running at you from moment one, with more limited visibility due to the DARKNESS of course. Good times on the SURFACE for all to be had.

Though developer Rare does throw in a curveball or two in making SURFACE Pt.2 seem at first glance, a totally new experience, the DARKNESS (is spreading), remains one of the only big differences to speak of. You have some more locked doors and cameras, but it’s like 95% the same level I’d say, so you already know your way around. You might get curiously caught unawares by the appearance of new tech, as you wonder after spotting the first one to appear “a surveillance camera?”, but at that point, you’re totally dicked anyways, which is when all hell breaks loose. Following the alarm being raised, Severnaya’s very own “blue man group” instantly manifests and tries to dabba dee dabba die all over Bond’s face, but some quick gunkata ala John Wick style will help make the poor fools realize they just blew it with their surprise attack, and their chances at having any possibility of putting Bond down Trevelyan style, 006 feet under.

You come to the realization after all this, that after your last magical mystery tour at Severnaya, the security standards have been grossly affected by your stint in the snow, as the enemy troops have realized the importance of locking the doors to the top secret areas of their facility, so you have to kill one of the higher ranking officers to gain access to the room holding the equipment to disrupt the comms tower. Unlike last time, where dev Rare trolled the player who tried to destroy the equipment and fail, you can go guns a blazing, and blow the transmitter to smithereens. Easy peasy.

Because we are on Agent, that is the only real mission objective, with the whole thing becoming a little more complicated on higher difficulty levels, but this definitely isn’t one of GoldenEye’s biggest dumpster fire mistakes in terms of totally ill-conceived challenges within the realm of the nefarious…that’s part two to this whole little charade, but we’ll get there soon enough, no worries. If it’s your first time playing the mission, you’ll no doubt attempt to take the ventilation shaft like last time, only to discover the bastards have welded the hole shut, which means you’ll have to go through the front door, which goes about as predictably well as you can imagine, with Bond being apprehended near immediately as he walks in. For some reason, I have the line of text that appears on screen at the end of the level, when Bond is surrendering which reads “Welcome to Severnaya, Comrade.” living rent free in my head since 1997. I’m not even sure why, as it’s not even over the top hilarious or original, and it’s only in my head and on the couch, as I channel a mid-tier impression of a Russian accent that there is sound attached to it, but it’s just one of those weird moments of nostalgia that just set up shop in my noggin and never left.

That about wraps it up for the return trip to Severnaya, Pt.1, as we all kind of take the highs and lows as they come, with the replay not necessarily feeling that derivative, but this is chalked up more to the engine behind the scenes doing its magic, as one of GoldenEye’s benefits, like most great games, is that it just feels good to literally exist in the ingame enviornment, the very act of moving, shooting, and engaging with the atmosphere is such a delight, if you end up repeating yourself a bit, it doesn’t really dampen the experience much. This holds up over time, too, as I’m not even sure I have an accurate estimate for just how many times I’ve replayed this game, and it still has some replay value left in it’s old 20th century legs.

Next time, on GoldenEye 64: Severnaya Pt.2-Bunker, or how I learned to stop worrying and love the infinitely spawning guards.

(Good thing there’s no fighting in the war room.)
~Pash