James Bond
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As Mark Twain asserted; history doesn’t repeat itself, but it does rhyme. This would go a long way in explaining why my philosophical lamentations sound so sing songy Here we are, at the end of all things. At least, at the end of all things GoldenEye 64 related, as we bring to a close a… Read more
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Bonus content and secret levels in video games are great for two important reasons: one, they act as a nice surprise that keeps me playing longer, and two, playing longer means effortlessly extending the amount of time before I have to return to the real world and deal with the endless litany of annoying assholes… Read more
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While the Marvel Cinematic Universe gets a lot of praise for post credits surprises, they were not the first ones to do it, as the Muppets beat them to the punch decades before hand. When worlds collide: the thought of Animal being apart of The Avengers initiative holds great interest for me With 007 finally… Read more
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A sentiment I touched upon recently, and one that relates to an age old wisdom, is that the journey is always more interesting than the destination. The gooners know…good lord, do they know Finally out of the deep, dark depths of the Caverns that our winding narrative took us through, GoldenEye 64 reaches its apex… Read more
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The old saying goes it’s always darkest before the dawn… …and sometimes, *you* continue to persist as the darkest thing sulking about, even after the dawn After the impressively vile and rampantly chaotic liquid shitting episode that any replay of the level Control turns out to be (at least on 00 Agent), we move into… Read more
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Though this next bit of darkly shaded humor may mean nothing to you at the moment, after reading this write-up about one of the final missions in GoldenEye, I urge you to go read The Myth of Sisyphus (or at least a tl;dr summary), to truly appreciate the idea behind the premise of this article,… Read more
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We get by with a little help from our friends… …no matter what’s on the agenda for the day After admiring some trans-continental bilingualism in the form of broadcasting self-aware meta media-literacy on a train yesterday, we move on from a proper derailing and find our selves in the Jungle, as our replay of GoldenEye… Read more
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An old turn of phrase suggests one “stop to smell the roses”. Whoever said this never stopped to consider the possibility of one having taken a shit in the flower bed before you got there, and now you’re profusely gagging after taking a huge whiff of floral asshole Today, on our continuing replay of GoldenEye… Read more
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In the grand alchemical experiment that is life, it always boils down to just how many failures it takes to amass before one is finally able to transmute all of them into a single success. Basically every speedrunner’s mantra As we press on with our replay of GoldenEye 64, it’s hard for me to tell… Read more
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Andy Warhol was reportedly quoted as declaring the following: “Isn’t life a series of images that change as they repeat themselves?” Look no further than Simpsons shitposting for an example of the cursed standard repetition lay bare, as the recursive nature of history repeating itself sees the very fabric of social connection begin to deteriorate,… Read more
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They say never judge a book by its cover. People say a lot of stupid fucking things, don’t they? As we move forward with our replay of GoldenEye 64, after a brief excursion into totally off the map, extra canonical bullshit territory, with our trapesing through the terrifying terrain that troublingly terrorizes with titanic thermonbaric… Read more
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Amdist the bombast and the bullet holes, the violence born of national woes, stands tall and proud the human spirit, with all of their eloquent prose. Well, if it’s true what they say about people being made in “god’s image”, then god is just some freak ass gooner chud pumping loads to Power Rangers porn… Read more
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“Men are more governed by their passions then reason”, a paraphrasing of a sentiment expressed by philosopher David Hume. In the realm of gaming, this loosely translates to: hang the sense of it, ask yourself the real question: is it cool? Cool happens when your heart is in the right place Dovetailing from my last… Read more
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Flirting with disaster is always more fun when you’re the one holding the ace up your sleeve. After I used the word disaster, Reagan popped into my mind. How peculiar… As we continue on with our little soiree behind the iron curtain, and sally forth with our “Bonding Experience” as we replay Goldeneye 64, we… Read more
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What goes up, must come down …and the bigger they are… Following on the heels of a post I found rather peak, peak enough that I strongly considered just going out on a high note and saying hang the sense of doing the rest of the god damn runthrough of Goldeneye 64, cause there’s no… Read more
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The quote from The Big Lebowski sums it up pretty well: “Sometimes you eat the bar, and sometimes…the bar eats you.” A friendly reminder that life is full of ups and downs, strikes and gutters, and you’ve just got to take them as they come, and maintain your sense of chill and calm no matter… Read more
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The design ethics of GoldenEye 64 brings to mind that quote from Futurama: “When you do things right, people won’t be sure you’ve done anything at all.” And other times, expectations are just too damn ridiculous to begin with Continuing on from yesterday, where I finally made my triumphant return to the world of the… Read more
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In a justified moment of reverence to the likes of Thomas Edison, “I’ve not failed, I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work”. Adjusted expectations are vital to a healthy state of mind There is no avoiding the reality that this article represents a “shaking of the cobwebs off” kind of moment, as I took… Read more
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All of us want *to kick ass* in our everyday, sometimes we just need a little help in order to do so. *for a helpful translation guide for all of our British readers* I often chuckle to myself during the late hours of any given Monday, as per usual, I am always trying to come… Read more
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The amount of heavy lifting Goldeneye 64 did for the Bond name is a Rare feat The gameplay trailer showcased for 007 First Light at Sony’s State of Play revealed a confident showing from IO Interactive, the developers behind the Hitman series, who are letting the gaming world know loud and clear that much like… Read more