Sticking the landing is key in any good routine


We often end up being victims of our own success

After a dreadful mucking about in a metaphoric desert, one overflowing with conceptual sand of a coarse and irritating nature by even the roughest of standards, we gasp dryly for some kind of refreshing sense of vitality we may cling to, lest our GoldenEye 64 replay come to a disastrously premature end.

Thankfully, we fall from the frying pan, directly into the fire, as we arrive at the “Train”, a level that burns red hot with challenge, and ends up being the polar opposite of what Depot represented: well structured, finely paced, with high intensity challenge and a surprising amount of cinematic flare to boot. One of the only ways Train is similar to Depot, is that developer Rare took some creative liberties (this time [mostly] for the better), to give a big glow up to a scene that is mostly dialogue heavy in the film, and sort of fleshes out a gameplay scenario using the basic building blocks the movie lays out for us.

As previously mentioned in other articles, the differences between the movie and game are mostly for a laugh, cause whatever changes Rare made to the film of GoldenEye with a repurposed sense of direction in crafting a better game was quite obviously, a good move, to say the least, as GoldenEye was and still is lauded as a landmark license that hit a grand slam where adaptations are concerned. Still, there is a lot of fun benefit to see just what Rare used as a frame of reference to make the game what it eventually ended up becoming, in using the source material to craft something grand in nature, so the contrast between the two is a fascinating one…on top of the movie just kind of being a fun as fuck popcorn flick.

I think what’s interesting to me about both the Train scene in the movie, vs the the Train level in the game, is that it may be one of the most explicit examples of both mediums using their own language to appeal to their core sensibilities, as the Train scene in the movie has an exceptionally “screeplayie” vibe to it; like in no reality outside of the context of a movie do the events as they play out on screen make any sense whatsoever, but it is due to the arena the playfight takes place in, that it all comes together in a totally sensible way(?) I think the best way to describe it is in reference to how another director, an up and comer who might just have a chance in the movie industry, Steven Spielberg, makes his movies-top notch stuff, but events in his movies like the tank blowing up in the sharks mouth at the end of Jaws, the T-Rex’s introduction in Jurassic Park, and uh…the entirety of The Goonies, just screams “screenplayie”…in the best possible way, in my opinion. Very much in a queer comparison of content to the phrases “the math ain’t mathing”, or “Flux Capacitor…fluxing”, you can look at some of Speilberg’s best movies and say “Yes, this screenplay is certainly screenplaying”.

To that point, the scene has perhaps the most Bond-centric themes in it, of the whole movie thus far, cause you have all of the ridiculous tropes on display: bad guy being comically evil, damsel in distress hating the played out misogynistic bullshit, a Russian general being an over the top stereotype, a femme fatale seething sultriness (in a roll your eyes movie manner), on an armored train with a doomsday plan, being pursued by a British secret agent in a tank. You say it’s corny, I say it’s perfect.

The scene also is not just a melodramatic farce…in at least one sense, and it’s to finally give Alec Trevelyan (006/Janus) a chance to actually showcase why we are suppose to dislike him as a villain, as up until this point, all he’s really done is betray MI6 (who has routinely used him as an expendable asset), and wants revenge for how the British government fucked over his parents for political reasons, which honestly, is a perfectly reasonable standpoint, and one that nearly any random person in the majority of the countries of the world may agree with, on account of Britain’s ridiculously long and bloodied history of colonialism and general geopolitical fuckery throughout the ages. Doesn’t hurt that he’s also played by the always always charming Sean Bean, and that he was also partnered with 007 for a number of years: you’d probably have a breaking point to, if you had to play second fiddle to a womanizing, drunken, reckless idiot like Bond all the time, too.

There’s more to the scene in how it plays out, in finally giving Janus the room to be a wretched jacksaw of a man, which begins to escalate in absolute absurdity when Bond intercepts the train with the tank he absconded and road raged with in the prior scene during the “Streets” chase, though how on earth we are suppose to believe a tank outmaneuvered a speeding train is beyond fathomable imagination, with the only solid justification being “cause that’s what the script says”, rule of cool and all that, but, I shift my attention back to the game, as I feel like I’ve made my point of just how GoldenEye the movie uses the language of cinema to play to its mediums creative strengths, just like GoldenEye the game does very much the same…in completely different ways of course, as games are not just interactive movies at the end of the day, no matter what David Cage may so desire to be true, in the name of cutting costs to circumvent taking the time to create actual game mechanics outside of QTE’s for his experiences (Heavy Rain fans; don’t at me).

Now, to breakdown the “Train” level in GoldenEye 64, we have one of the more meticulously crafted levels in the game, as it feels like this one had a lot of time and energy put into its creation, and or testing…though probably both, as some of my favorite titles always tend to get put through the ringer in terms of where QA (quality assurance) is concerned, as getting everything just right takes a grueling amount of fine tuning to get it as close to ideal as possible. Unlike the movie, which primarily takes place near the “cowcatcher”, as 006 and his gang of flunkies are chilling near the engine room, which is then derailed by a Tanking Bond, the game starts you at the back of the train in the caboose, sans tank of course, as you must fight your way up through each carriage, laying ridiculous waste to a vast army of very angry Russian men.

The mission is extremely fast paced, which is a godsend following the tragic bore that was the Depot, as there are few times one isn’t being mobbed by troops, from front and behind, and a lot of the cover in the beginning parts of the level, in the form of wooden crates, take only a few hits to be destroyed, after which, you will have to quickly apprehend your opponent, shift spots to different cover, or die trying.

The back and forth is quite great, and feels similar in scope to the parallel I brought up, back when I was detailing some behind the scenes factoids about the mission Silo, and how it had a reminiscent design of a scrapped idea in the development of GoldenEye, which may have seen the game (at least to some degree) have featured “onrails levels”, ala lightgun games like Virtua Cop, of which GoldenEye took partial conceptual inspiration from. With Silo in mind, how well the mission Frigate plays out, and how Facility is pretty much the poster child of GoldenEye’s winning design ethic, I’m of the mind the game works best when it’s in close quarters, perhaps even claustrophobic in design, as some of the most engaging levels seem to use this design ethic to great advantage.

One of the objectives involves shooting ou breaking mechanisms along the way, in the form of little metallic boxes on the floors, a mission objective that might get lost in the shuffle of the frenetic gunfights. Strangely enough, I feel as if I have a weirdly vivid memory of my fist time playing this level, and being totally perplexed as to why I couldn’t open the final door. It would seem I was being too impatient, and did not read the mission brief, which gives one a heads up about the task at hand. Once I paid enough attention to gleam this detail, I felt downright clever when I noticed the little boxes on the ground, in order to finish the level. Quite goofy, I know, but I think I was only about 9 years old, so these small attentions to detail seemed like cracking some kind of densely cryptic cipher of some kind, and the delusional sense of cleverness that came with it must have blown little 9 year old me’s mind at the time.

As an aside of sorts, before we detail the end of the mission, I will say, playing through this one again in modern times, helps to reinforce a notion I think I mentioned also on the Silo level, where if I were to “tier rank” these levels in terms of quality, they would vary considerably, based on how ramped up the difficulty becomes on 00 Agent for some of them, and Train is no exception. I think unlike Silo, Train is finely balanced, with only an unfortunate snag at the end that creates great annoyance. Having said that, this level is demanding on the highest difficulty level, and one that truly demands the player be “Jimmy-on-the-spot” “to effectively hang on 00 Agent, as any player not playing at their best will get shredded into parmesan cheese rather quickly.

The interesting reason as to why this is, has to do with the RNG (random number generator) involved with the enemy troops animations. These do go a long way in adding quite a bit of character to the troops in GoldenEye, as not only are there an impressive variety of canned reactions they can choose from, but also in how they react to getting shot, which went a long way in generating a sort of realism when the game first came out. Where this can betray the player however, is that due to the vast spectrum of possibilities, in how even one guard will react, vs say, an entire room will, greatly depends on how easy they are to hit, and how quickly they can shoot you.

Not only does this create unpredictable precedent, as no one run will ever represent the exact same playthrough of another, but can also completely fuck the player over, if one enemy troop shoots faster than you were expecting, while another guard moves into a certain position that you aren’t use to. As a player, on one hand; this ends up representing a great mixup, as it adds guesswork and replayability to the mix. As a speedrunner; it creates frustration unrivaled, as you can only ever get so close to cultivating a perfect run, as no two will be the exact same. A fascinating and underrated detail of GoldenEye overall, I think.

Anyways, after we’ve worked our way up through the train, and enter the final car, a remixing of the events that occur on screen happen in-game, with 006 and Onatopp about to make their escape, while Ourumov has a gun pointed at Natalya, and Alec mocks Bond about needing to make a choice between the mission or the girl. Bond of course, shoots Ourumov, with the other two escaping via the stolen pirates stealth helicopter from Frigate. So begins one of the only big missteps of the Train mission, as the train car is locked down, trapping both Bond and Natalya inside. 007 whips out his watch laser to start cutting through the floor, while Natalya starts using a computer to find where Boris is located, hinting at where the GoldenEye satellite might be.

In theory, this part of the mission is conceptually okay, in execution, however, it is pretty fucking far from okay. 006 sets the explosive charge for a minute, while Natalya does her “hacking” thing, as you (Bond), must use the watch laser to cut through the floor. What sucks about the execution of this, at least on 00 Agent, reveals itself as nothing short of a brutalitsts mentality, and is mostly due to the added mission architectural standard involved with the objective ‘Crack Boris’ password’, as Natalya goes through her hacking routine on a set timer, much like the explosion, so the process can not be expedited, and plays out the same every time.

While it’s bad enough that guys can enter the train car and start shooting you while you are cutting through the floor, which at this point in the mission you are likely close to dead, but also that the watch laser has a finite supply of “ammo”, as in the energy needed for the laser can run out. This has happened to me, as the little pieces of metal you need to individually shoot at are a bit “fucky”, and you can easily exhaust your watch laser, if one is not extremely judicious aiming said device.

So those two elements suck and can technically trip you up on any difficulty, it’s only when on 00 Agent, when you need to crack the password, is when things get monumentally stupid, as in order for Natalya to crack the password, she needs up to the last four remaining seconds on the clock to get it. Obviously, at this point, the train will explode, which you know, as a reminder; not preferred. It is at this point the game fails its own machinations, as you need to stay on the train for Natalya to do this, as getting off of it will instantly trigger her following you, thusly negating said cracking, failing the mission.

Here comes the real shitty part though, if you get off of the train, and whether or not its because there are enemies to your left who immediately start shooting you, forcing you to turn right to run, or you just have the spirit of Zoolander within you, and you just have an inability to turn left naturally, therefore turning to your right instinctually to move in such a fashion, will have you effectively doom the mission, as due to how Natalya is programmed as an AI companion in following and trying to get to Bond, she will get stuck on geometry within the train, thus trapping her before the explosion goes off.

Of course, there is no way for you to know this the first time you try it on 00 Agent, and quite frankly, may take you several tries to come to the conclusion it is the mere act of moving left that will help prevent this tragedy from occurring, but this would all be taking place at the end of a lengthy and difficult level with no save points.; cue the blood curling, with extra points being awarded to the enemy AI in the last minute “fuck you category”, as even if you do all of this right, you can die in one of the last seconds from random gunfire, as you have to run a long way from the train with guys shooting at you to finish the level.

Oi-fucking-vey.

That about wraps it up for GoldenEye’s trains on offer, which as you can see, I have a bizarre love-hate relationship with, in regards to both the movie and the game; in loving both how hard they lean into their mediums “design language” in structuralism, but then has me hating them for not trying to better perfect the idealism involved, in transcending the common pitfalls of said language, as they end up leaning so hard into such metaphysical lingo, they fail in avoiding such common faux pas representing these tongues of tradition. I wouldn’t say the ending of the train mission on 00 Agent in GoldenEye fails in sticking the landing in a cringier manner then say, the end of Back to the Future III with its time traveling train, but that’s not a very high fucking bar to clear, is it?

I suppose that in the games case at least, in many ways, Rare set several standards with GoldenEye, so didn’t have many contemporaries to play off of, but they would help in laying down a foundational habit of not polishing higher difficulty levels like they do with the default, a trend that to this day, continues to persist.

For that reason, the train in-game gets derailed, but for totally different reasons then the one in the film.

Tis a shame.

~Pashford